Bottle Dis-Service

Bottle Dis-Service

by Anna Thompson

The bottle service club. Not for the feign of heart. A special kind of price gouging inflicted upon clubgoers in an increasing number of cities, with well-known hot spots like Las Vegas and Los Angeles taking top honors. These night spots are full of potential hidden dangers lurking behind every shiny table. If you aren't looking to spend all of your rent money in one evening, pay attention. These are the top 10 signs you are not signing up for a night of innocent debauchery and dancing, but rather a murderous Final Destination-style bill.

1.  Check The Dress Code.  Expressed in a variety of ways, perhaps "upscale fashionable attire required" or "no athletic apparel;" all of these things mean the same thing - if you don't look cool enough you aren't getting in.  Some clubs will say outright "all patrons subject to doorman's discretion." At least they are being honest.

2.  Club Layout.  If you walk in and all you see are tables, then hopefully the objective of why you are there is obvious: the club wants to get you to spend lots of money on bottles of liquor that they sell to you at 20 times what you should be paying. As a general rule, the larger the dance area in relation to the rest of the space, the better. All clubs need to make money, and all depend heavily on bar sales.  But if you are there to dance and for the music, then by default the dance floor should get priority in presentation and space. If your goal is to be seen and to experience VIP treatment complete with a VIP pricetag, then logic dictates associated premier real estate.

3.  The Bar Pace.  There is a difference between a busy bar and a busy server behind the bar.  In certain establishments, the emphasis is on bottle service and therefore the sole soul left to man the bar isn't really interested in serving patrons quickly. Generally role is filled by a hot girl with a very small outfit.  If she can upsell you to a table/bottle, her real job is done.

4.  The Bar Place.  Placement of the bar is indicative of where the focus of the club is.  It's like Disneyland and being forced to exit the ride through the gift shop. If the bar is in front of the DJ booth or in the middle of the dance floor in a way that totally ruins the natural flow of traffic, this is a dead giveaway.

5.  How the DJ Sounds.  Is the DJ a DJ or is the DJ a jukebox?  If the DJ could easily be confused for your local Top 40 radio station, bets are music isn't high on the list of priorities for this establishment.  Not that all mainstream pop music is bad; let's face it, in most clubs people are there simply to dance and get drunk and enjoy themselves listening to music they recognize. But there is something to be said when the DJ is there as a feature versus when they are there as a soundtrack for drinking.

6.  How the DJ or the DJ Booth Looks.  How can you expect the crowd to appreciate a DJ and what they are playing if the booth is on another floor or in a dark corner somewhere?  That's because a bottle service club could care less about the DJ.  Manta is stick to a certain safe play list, don't take any chances, and keep people at their table in hopes they'll order another bottle.  Story to illustrate: a friend once played a bottle service venue where they had a bouncer standing next to him in the booth.  Every time he slightly went off format, the bouncer would lean in and tell him to switch it up.

7.  The Line Outside.  A major selling point of many bottle service and VIP packages is the ability to skip the entrance line. Another way they get you to feel special. If there is no line to skip, this point is moot. Plus, the more people standing in line out front, the hotter the club looks to passerbyers. If that doorman seems to be taking his sweet time, it probably is because that is exactly what he
is doing.

8.  Secret Service Agent As Doorman.  Speaking of doormen, let's keep in mind why they are there: to check IDs.  Vampire-hunter sunglasses at night along with a mini-phone-cord earpiece are not necessary to completing the task at hand.  If the focus seems to be more on presenting a certain image for the club rather than the job at hand, chances are you are in bottle service land.

9.  Unnecessary Go-Go Dancers.  It's one thing to have a few well-choreographed dancers lending to the overall vibe.  It's another to pack the club with girls possessing little talent and clothing.  In bottle service clubs, the dancers are getting paid to dress up like Macho Man Randy Savage and do what everybody else is already doing on the dance floor. It's the same awful recycled dance step, with an occasional hair swing to try and make the club look sexy.  The more a club has to offer its patrons, the less money it needs to spend on dancing reminders to have a good time.

10.  Social Networking Pictures.  The best way to get a vibe on what kind of club you're going to is by looking at the kind of pictures they put on their website or on social networking sites.  The majority of bottle service clubs use photos of celebs, douchebags, and plastic-looking women to try to lure people in.  If you have to stand around the club and take pictures of yourself having fun, then you're probably not having fun.
follow CoolJunkie @  
Facebook Buzz
People who read this also read ...
Attention, Attention!
BIG announcements from EDC, Tomorrowland, and more!
Top 5 New Songs for 2013
New year, new music! Check out these tracks to start your year off right!
Avicii x You Collab Contest
Think you've got what it takes to be a part of the world’s biggest music
Ultra Reveals 2013 Phase 1 Lineup
The 15th Anniversary is promising to be the best in the festival's history