"I am holding this press conference," Cheney announced, "to say that I feel very sorry for what happened to my friend, Harry Whittington. I so wish this had never happened, and I am losing sleep about this every day." Cheney then held up a tiny cat. "And, look, I'm holding a kitten." Cheney, with much effort, then smiled.
"Are you planning to snap the kitten's neck for fun after this press conference is over?" asked a reporter.
"What I do on my own time is my business!" Cheney screamed. "Go @#$% yourself!"
Bush then nudged Cheney in the side.
"Uh... I mean that I plan to take the kitten home, name him mittens, and then watch him play with a ball of yarn."
"Aww, Cheney is much sweeter than we thought," said one female reporter.
A little kid then walked up to Cheney. "Will you give me a hug, Unkie Cheney?"
* * * *
"So I knocked a kid unconscious by throwing a kitten at his head," Cheney grumbled. "He smelled."
Bush laughed. "I guess that's just our gruff VP." Bush then turned to Condi and whispered, "I keep hearing rumors that I'm planning on forcing Cheney to resign and replace him with you. Do you know if there is any truth to those rumors?"
Condi smacked Bush upside his head.
"Ow," Bush moaned as he rubbed the back of his head, "I always thought people would hit me less as soon as I was President, but the opposite was true. Anyway, I have the pardon for Scott for assaulting that stupid reporter. Anyone want to go fetch him from prison?" Bush looked around the room, but no one moved. "Fine, let's watch the Olympics. I think the biathlon is on." Bush looked to Cheney. "You lose points in that for shooting someone else in the face."
"Sounds gay."
Bush chuckled. "That the Winter Olympics, alright."
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