[cire]

22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat




1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

-prochoice, procapital punishment (just faster)

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

-Oh totally, Wal-Mart is way better than any government.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

-Agree, deal with us before them. If it gets too a button pushing war, we're all fucked anyways.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

-Fund the hell out of the Arts, no doubt!

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

-So right, Humans do nothing to the Earth, I have known this, like totally like forever.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

-Only rolls I know about have butter on them, if hetero can be natural, and weed can be natural, then by all means homo can be natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

-Oh so right, I'd rather cut this and fund a trillion dollar war.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

-Don't just teach, show them how it's done, so they can do it right.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

-Nothing says care like a whole bunch of dead animals on a wall.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

-Promoting self-esteem, promotes doing something.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

? - ? - This one is just stupid LOL

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

- NRA supports on part of the constitution, duh. ACLU supports like 3, duh.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

- 30% - 35% 'Pubs have done so much.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.

- Women are important as well, we'll find out more about that in a year.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

- Standardized tests blow, racial quotas and set-asides help in this nation of imigrants and natives who have been fucked with for centuries/millenia

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

- Organized prayer groups in the White House, former first lady, good mother, and forgiving wife, and a woman with backbone (kinda scary isn't it), I see her in all leather with the US in a ball gag, nothing to bad about that, I love getting spanked a little bit every 4 to 8 years.

17. You have to believe that the only reason so******m hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

- Totally agree with this, no seriously, I firmly believe this. On paper a good system, but the right people must be pulling the strings.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

- This goes down both party lines, so this statement is stricken from my memory. ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman")

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

- Naked babies in public, with grownups all around worshiping his little naked body, totally illegal. (I know this is wrong and will pray...NOW)

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States .

- The 'Pubs are doing so much to not help the Chinese government, if we are going to freely trade with them and make them an economic power, we might as well take money from them too.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

- Right wing no doubt.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

- Freedom for employers to challenge what their employees do, no smoking, no drugs/alcohol, that's unheard of.