Miami

pod · 01-13-2006, 03:21 PM

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket — water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

______________________

not George Carlin.

rollyp66 · 01-13-2006, 03:25 PM

Awesome!

LeVeL · 01-13-2006, 03:58 PM

Classic!

New Rule: Don’t let club photographers take pictures of you with your mistress, next thing you know it will be all over the internet with a label saying dont date this guy.

New Rule: Only because you grew facial hair in your face doesn't mean you can grow a goatee and actually sport it in public.

New Rule: If your woman and your overweight, it doesn't give you the right to wear a tight nightgown or low-rise jeans in public, that’s disgusting please put this cow back in its barn.

New Rule: If you got drunk this weekend and we already knew that your intentions were to get drunk, then why the hell do you have to tell us how drunk you got, when we already knew that those were your intentions in the first place. Please do us a favor and just don’t tell us, we don’t have to know.

pod · 01-13-2006, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeVeL'

Classic!

New Rule: Don’t let club photographers take pictures of you with your mistress, next thing you know it will be all over the internet with a label saying dont date this guy.

That's why I let people ask me to get their photo taken. Minimizes incidents like these. And if they're stupid enough to fuck around in a club and ask me for a photo? Well they kind of have it coming.

Though I'm a nice guy and will take an image down for a friend.

LeVeL · 01-13-2006, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pod

That's why I let people ask me to get their photo taken. Minimizes incidents like these. And if they're stupid enough to fuck around in a club and ask me for a photo? Well they kind of have it coming.

Though I'm a nice guy and will take an image down for a friend.

Yeah a buddy of mine got caught this past weekend @ Crobar but the pic was not taken by you if was a photographer for another website.

pod · 01-13-2006, 05:18 PM

Some websites are less than discrete about that. Sucks though.

web_norah · 01-13-2006, 05:55 PM

^^^add to that, they still dont know how to use a digital camera and people appear distorted and weird looking on their website.

hints anyone?

Miss_Digital · 01-13-2006, 05:57 PM

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

yeah i hate it when people give ages in months

Chica · 01-13-2006, 05:59 PM

A friend of mine caught her boyfriend with another girl on a club website.... they (guys) are stupid after all :

pod · 01-13-2006, 06:01 PM

My sig used to be something to the effect of "if you don't want random people to know what you're up to, don't do it in front of random people..."

01-13-2006, 03:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
pod Non Sufficit Orbis Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 26,147	Rules for 2006 Registered members do not see ads. Register or logon for a better view. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket — water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. ______________________ not George Carlin. __________________ cold beer and dirty girls

01-13-2006, 03:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
rollyp66 CoolJunkie Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Magic City Posts: 4,530	Re:Rules for 2006 Awesome! __________________ "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.."

01-13-2006, 03:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
LeVeL MegaJunkie Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 10,507	Re:Rules for 2006 Classic! New Rule: Don’t let club photographers take pictures of you with your mistress, next thing you know it will be all over the internet with a label saying dont date this guy. New Rule: Only because you grew facial hair in your face doesn't mean you can grow a goatee and actually sport it in public. New Rule: If your woman and your overweight, it doesn't give you the right to wear a tight nightgown or low-rise jeans in public, that’s disgusting please put this cow back in its barn. New Rule: If you got drunk this weekend and we already knew that your intentions were to get drunk, then why the hell do you have to tell us how drunk you got, when we already knew that those were your intentions in the first place. Please do us a favor and just don’t tell us, we don’t have to know. __________________ I'm Allergic to Deep House and their Fans...

01-13-2006, 05:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
pod Non Sufficit Orbis Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 26,147	Re:Rules for 2006 Some websites are less than discrete about that. Sucks though. __________________ cold beer and dirty girls

01-13-2006, 05:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
web_norah CoolJunkie Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 9,537	Re:Rules for 2006 ^^^add to that, they still dont know how to use a digital camera and people appear distorted and weird looking on their website. hints anyone?

01-13-2006, 05:57 PM	#8 (permalink)
Miss_Digital CoolJunkie Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 3,050	Re:Rules for 2006 New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. yeah i hate it when people give ages in months __________________ http://www.809k.com

01-13-2006, 05:59 PM	#9 (permalink)
Chica CoolJunkie Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,312	Re:Rules for 2006 A friend of mine caught her boyfriend with another girl on a club website.... they (guys) are stupid after all : __________________ Do you know where AMERICA is?

01-13-2006, 06:01 PM	#10 (permalink)
pod Non Sufficit Orbis Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 26,147	Re:Rules for 2006 My sig used to be something to the effect of "if you don't want random people to know what you're up to, don't do it in front of random people..." __________________ cold beer and dirty girls

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