Talking Body Parts

[Slide On The Ice]

This is a short segment that I had written for a role-playing game on a friend's message board, a ways back. The topic was Jaws, and other posters took the roles of fishing captains and the like. I took the part of any severed body parts that rose to the surface during and after an attack. The first victim was a Frenchman who went for a swim in the ocean.

Suddenly he was savagely attacked by a great white shark, and torn to pieces. The dismembered Frenchman's body parts bobbed to the surface.

His left arm said: "Moisieure, I've been disarmed..."
His foot said: "Oui, this stinks."
His tongue said: "My kissing days are over."
Finally, his vocal chord said: "Fu*ck...uh, pardon my French."

Blood and more French body parts rose to the surface, such as the Frenchman's stomach, along with French fries, French toast, French bread, and French's Mustard.

The chewed up Frenchman cried in misery, pleasing the shark even more because he enjoyed French whine with his meals.

"Get off my back!" the upside down floating French torso said.
"Kiss my ass!" said an angry French buttock.
"Where's that damned shark? I wish to kick his arse!" one of the French legs said.

Meanwhile, on shore, a pair of frogs were disturbed by the floating French legs.
"Why dey always wanna eat our legs, and the sharks spit the French legs out?" said the first frog.
"Ribbitt!" replied the second frog, deep in ponderance over his chum's remarks.

The victim's non functioning anus accused the nearest leg of not kicking hard enough back to shore before the attack. "Well isn't this another shitty mess you've gotten us unto!"
"Up yours," the leg shouted back.

Last to rise to the surface was the Frenchman's severed penis. But the penis did not utter a word. Everybody knows a penis can't talk.

[Slide On The Ice]

So nobody thought this shit was funny? Damn, I'm slipping. And getting stupid and too easily amused in my elder years. ???

[JMT]

sorry man, but yes this one kinda bombed.

[Slide On The Ice]

Damn.